It all started with gray skies and a broken heart. There was not much reason to smile back then, but I found you and all the silly things and I began to smile again.
I smiled. I cried.
Eventually I learned how to laugh. I didn’t think it was possible to laugh genuinely while someone is still healing, but unconsciously you made me believe that it was.
Now I wish I could tell you how okay I am and how thankful I am for you.
I wish I could make you laugh ‘til the end of the day ‘til our tummies hurt. I would have to try a little bit harder because we both know how bad my jokes really are (there I finally said it).
I wish I could tell you about how my day went – the new things I learned, the way I controlled my alcohol because you weren’t there.
I wish I could run to you whenever I wanted to, to be able to cry when things start to haunt me again and to value the silence when there is nothing else to say. And I wish to do the same for you too.
I wish never having to think about not having you ever again because when I look at you, I knew that you were meant for me too…
…that I would not have to bottle up all the feelings and forget about the butterflies because you will be there to catch them all.
It would be so much easier to always be there for you and not think about anything else
I had it all in my head.
How I planned to be upfront of how I really felt
How much I wanted to be there for you every single moment even in the times when you think you are unlovable
How much I wanted to be the person you hate and love at the same time
And how I wanted to be the first person you think of when you’re happy and the first person you know is still there when the rest of the world has left you behind
Because I will always be here.
I still sometimes daydream about you. I sometimes think of how it feels to be the first to smile at you in the morning.
It all could have been possible.
We could have been possible
And we could have been perfect…
If only you had not already fallen for someone else.